Sure there were a few shows I watched and really enjoyed (LOST, 24, and Arrested Development), but those were, in my mind, the exception that proved the rule: the movie theater was a significantly better place for me to turn for my entertainment.

This year, however, has proven quite the contrary to this mindset. Movies were a big letdown, while TV has taken me on a journey that has brought a smile to my face, tears to my eyes, fingernail imprints to the palms of my hands (or a part of the chairs I sat in), and such great joy that I had no idea just what to do with myself.

This year, television has filled a void I never really knew I had.

So, for my rundown of my favorite television shows this year, here’s how it’s going to work: I’ll list off some special mentions first off, then award my first “Better Late Than Never Award”, and then my 10 favorite shows of the year.

Sound good?

Well, let’s get into it!

Special Mention

Beavis and Butt-head

Confession: I never watched Beavis and Butt-head as a child. My parents wouldn’t allow me to watch MTV. However, since the show has come back I’ve tuned in every week, and what a delight it has been. Whether it is the plot centric (I’m using this term very loosely) parts of the episode, or the interstitial segments where Beavis and Butt-head make fun of MTV shows (Jersey Shore, 16 and Pregnant, True Life, etc.), music videos, or a new segment where they discuss “movie classics” (Their first classic? Human Centipede, of course) the show brings the laughs.

Childrens Hospital/NTSF:SD:SUV::

Adult Swim has been adding live action shows to it’s lineup over the last several years, and it is better for it, despite belonging to a network called Cartoon Network. Started as a web series lampooning Grey’s Anatomy during the writer’s strike in 2007-2008 writer’s strike, Cartoon Network picked up the the series in 2010, and doubled the episode run time to 11 minutes. This is the kind of show where you never know what you’re going to get week after week, but it is always outrageous. And the best part of this show, and sister show NTSF:SD:SUV:: (which originated as a fake commercial during the season 2 premiere of Childrens) is that the stories are played completely straight. The jokes pile on one after another (somehow at a quicker rate than 30 Rock or Community), so if one doesn’t land for you, well, there’s another 20 coming up right behind it.

Fringe

There was a point near the end of season 3 of Fringe where I was excited to see where the show was going because it was building to what looked like an apocalyptic scenario. And while I wasn’t exactly disappointed with where it has gone in the wake of that, the show just hasn’t been thrilling me quite so much as it did going out of season 2 and into season 3. I still love watching this one week after week, whether it is for the mythology building stories or case-of-the-week fare, I still love spending time with these characters (alternate reality versions and all).

The Heart, She Holler

The weirdest show I’ve seen all year. From the creators of MTV’s Wonder Showzen, this series is about a small southern town whose patriarch died from working too exhaustively on his extensive video will (a brilliant running joke through the series where, through the video will, he interacts with the still living, perfectly predicting exactly what their reactions will be, with no regard to how much he interacted with them while alive) he leaves the leadership of the town to his long hidden away son. This decision doesn’t sit too well with his daughters, who begin planning to take the position away from him. After the first couple of episodes, the series ramps the insanity up to 11, and never lets off. The biggest disappointment is that it was only 6 episodes long.

How I Met Your Mother

I still love this show, even if it isn’t quite at the highs of season 2 and 3. This year saw some great acting work by Jason Segel and Neil Patrick Harris dealing with different kinds of daddy issues. I don’t really care that we haven’t met the mother yet, and some story lines seem to be around just to take focus away from what Ted isn’t doing (meeting the mother), but as long as they stay as entertaining as they have been, I won’t really mind. These are people I enjoy spending time with week after week.

Sons of Anarchy

Overall I enjoyed season 4 of this series more than season 3, with my feelings on their respective finales somewhat flipped. I can understand the decisions made regarding the fizzling out of fires that had been building all season, but it is still somewhat disappointing the way things worked out. Kurt Sutter has said he has a 7 year plan for the series, so I’ll wait to pass judgment. The biggest accomplishment of the season was the turning of Clay Morrow from kind-of bad guy to a full-on-bastard-of-a-human-being. I am excited to see where they take things next year, even if there were some clunks along the way of setting it up, I remain optimistic. I like to think shows can learn from their mistakes.

Better Late Than Never Award: Terriers

Here’s the deal with my “Better Late Than Never” Award. I’ll give it out to a series that didn’t air in the current year, and is easily accessible (most likely on Netflix), and is completely worth your time to check out.

Terriers was a show where I watched the first couple of episodes when they aired, and then because of my DVR deleting episodes to make space for other shows, I wasn’t able to continue at the time. But nearly a year later, I was finally able to watch through its solitary first season, and boy was I glad I did. This show mixed humor and drama in ways I’ve never seen on television. The characters were perfectly crafted from the get go (or at least they sure seemed that way). The show centers on two unlicensed private eyes in California who have a tendency to get in over their heads, yet somehow find a way out of it. Hank is an ex-cop who talks his way in to and out of many a situation, and lost his job and wife to drinking, and his sobriety is a constant struggle as the series progresses. Britt is a soft spoken former crook who you just can’t help but love.

The show deftly moves from case-of-the-week to master plot stories, finding time to really develop the characters out and make their relationships evolve in really natural ways. There was only one eye-rolling indiscretion later in the season, but with the great character moments it led to, it was well worth it. And, though it wasn’t planned as a series finale, the last episode of the season works unexpectedly well (similar to the season 3 finale of Deadwood). And did I mention the theme song? It is easily in my top 3 TV themes ever, and somehow has found a way to blend the light hearted nature of the show with the darkness that is constantly brewing beneath the surface.

The Top 10 (Alphabetically)

Archer

Terms of Enrampagement

Season 2 of Archer effortlessly built on everything that worked in season 1, and brought one of the funniest seasons of television this year. Plus, we got a mini-season (see TV movie spread out over 3 weeks). My favorite part of the show this past year was it’s tendency to introduce story developments that could completely rewrite the DNA of the show, and then completely throw them out the window an episode or 2 later. On any other show this could be maddening, yet here, it is done with such style, and hilarity that it can be completely forgiven.

A particular highlight of the season was Archer getting breast cancer and then finding out that his meds were switched with Zima and candy and going on a rampage to find the person responsible for making the switch. This leads to a hilarious Family Feud inspired interrogation scene where a sick Archer grills Irish mobsters for information. His cancer is completely gone after 2 episodes, but the story of getting there was just so hilarious I can deal with it. If they can continue writing themselves into a corner and working their way out of it in such a hilarious fashion, I can’t wait to see what sitcom game changers they throw at us next.

Highlight episodes: “Pipeline Fever”, “Stage Two”, “The Placebo Effect”, “El Secuestro”, and “White Knights”.

Breaking Bad

I think something funny happened?

I think we might be living in the end times. Seriously. The last 3 episodes of Breaking Bad‘s fourth season could easily be seen as the second coming. That’s how good it was. My jaw was pretty much stuck to the floor for 3 straight weeks, while my heart raced, and my brain tried to figure out what was going to happen next.

The season started off with a box cutter and ended…unexpectedly. It took its time getting from point A to point B. Hell, it took time figuring out exactly where point B was. But the show was seriously firing on all cylinders this year. This season found Walter White in an elaborate chess game with local kingpin Gus Fring, who incidentally was holding his own against both Walt (not the biggest threat, honestly) and the Mexican Cartel. The supporting cast was out in full force this year (except for Walter, Jr.) and characters who have been short shifted in the past (Marie coping with Hank’s recouperation) were given time to shine. Season 3 MVPs Skylar and Hank were given plenty to do as well. Skyler was brought more into the fold of Walt’s business by stepping up to handle the money laundering side of things, and Hank spent some time wallowing around in self pity, but a special delivery from a former colleague and a poorly thought out, drunken rant from Walt at a dinner party, kicks his ass into gear. Jesse became more of a badass even, after getting a special job that boosted his opinion of himself (though it certainly took a few episodes of his own wallowing to get there).

I will admit I was somewhat worried in the beginning that this season wouldn’t measure up to season 3, and that somehow the creative staff behind the show would fumble.

I was an idiot.

Highlight episodes: “Box Cutter”, “Problem Dog”, “Crawl Space”, “End Times”, and “Face Off”.

Community

Troy freaks out over the arguing

Indefinite hiatus and canceled are 2 different things.

That’s what i keep telling myself, and anyone who says this show is canceled.

Mainly because I can’t imagine not having this excellent show around anymore.

In 2011, we got Dungeons and Dragons, a fake clip show, an hour long paintball sequel, parallel universes, a Glee parody, and much more. The silliness certainly ramped up, but at the same time, the characters went through many struggles, mainly with each other, but have grown as a result of it. The creative minds behind this show are not afraid to take risks, and truth be told, they don’t always land exactly for me, but I completely respect the effort.

I’m sure that sounds like a negative criticism, but it really isn’t. I still enjoy the hell out of this show, even on weaker episodes.

Plus the current season brought such faculty members as John Goodman, Martin Starr, and Michael Kenneth Williams, all of whom I love, and hope they get to use more when the show comes back from hiatus to fulfill its destiny of having #sixseasonsandamovie.

Highlight episodes: “Advanced Dungeons and Dragons”, “Critical Film Studies”, “Paradigms of Human Memory”, “Remedial Chaos Theory”, and “Documentary Filmmaking: Redux”.

Doctor Who

Who is River Song?

Since her introduction in series 4′s “Silence in the Library”, fans of Doctor Who have wondered just who River Song was. This year, we got our answer.

I won’t tell you who she is (“Spoilers.”) because this show is absolutely worth watching and finding out for yourself, but the payoff is completely worth it.

But let’s get into what I can talk about without fear of ruining anything for you. Such a trip to 1960′s America involving the moon landing and a new monster that puts the Weeping Angels to shame. They’re called the Silence and they have this crazy ability to distort your memory so that as soon as you look away from them you forget you ever saw them to begin with. Plus they can psychically influence you to do whatever they say.

Plus we got an episode written by sci-fi/fantasy mastermind Neil Gaiman that took a look at a special companion of The Doctor that is rarely thought of in the way he presents her. The episode was a perfect example of all the things this show can do, and just why I love watching it.

As the season begins, The Doctor tells his friends “I’ve been running, faster than I’ve ever run, and it’s time for me to stop.” This season tells the story of why he is running, and where he is running to, exactly. And it is such an incredible ride.

Highlight episodes: “The Impossible Astronaut”, “Day of the Moon”, “The Doctor’s Wife”, “A Good Man Goes to War”, and “The Wedding of River Song”.

Friday Night Lights

Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose.

I watched nearly this entire series this year. There were only a handful of episodes that aired in 2011, and those episodes are good enough to make this list.

Here’s the thing: I don’t like football. I don’t like high school shows. People from Texas tend to be annoying. But, somehow, despite being about all 3 of these things, I love this show. I have no problem admitting that. I also have no problem admitting that it frequently brought me to tears, especially in it’s final season.

After season 4 saw Eric Taylor sent to a new school (that was brought out of nowhere?) and coach a team of inner city kids who never had the benefit of a privileged upbringing, season 5 was about giving those kids a reason to believe in themselves. Coming off of a season with a single win, the East Dillon Lions had the cards stacked against them from the get go. But everything turned around at the end of the second episode when Coach Taylor wrote a single word on their dry erase board: State. and the goal was set.

The final 6 episodes of this season, and series, aired in 2011, and the finale was one of the most satisfying ends to a series I have ever seen.  This was not a show bogged down by mythology or pessimism. It was an optimistic little show, that got lucky to last more than 2 seasons, and left a lasting impression.

Highlight episodes: “Fracture”, “Don’t Go”, “The March”, “Texas Whatever”, and “Always”.

Game of Thrones

Winter is coming

Okay, between horse decapitations and horse-heart-eatings, this show can be kind of cruel to horses. But it’s okay because they aren’t real.

Somehow the people behind this TV series were able to take the dense first novel in George RR Martin’s A Song of Ice and Fire series, and turn it into a not only manageable TV series, but one of the best things I’ve watched this year.

Granted, the first few episodes have so many characters to introduce and plotlines to put in motion, it can be a little bit disorienting. There are certainly touchstone characters who feel familiar in some way, so we gravitate to them. For instance Sean Bean plays Eddard Stark, a lord of the northern part of Westeros, who you may recognize from Lord of the Rings as well as other things, so he is easy to see as the protagonist, even though he has an overbearingly pessimistic view of the world (as would most people who life in a place where winter lasts years). And Peter Dinklage is better than you could believe as Tyrion Lanister, a man who was given the short end of the stick in life and has in turn used what gifts he has in abundance to make up for his lack of stature. Or Emilia Clarke as Daenerys Targaryen, a beautiful girl sold into marriage so that her brother can reclaim the throne in Westeros after their family was usurped from power and exiled.

And that’s only 3 characters. The cast is as sprawling as The Wire‘s was, and the story is more about political machinations than fantasy tropes, but it sucks you in and leaves you wanting for more by the time it is over.

Seriously, I watched the first season in a day.

Highlight episodes: “Cripples, Bastards, and Broken Things”, “The Wolf and the Lion”, “You Win or You Die”, “Baelor”, and “Fire and Blood”.

It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia

The gang gets wasted before their high school reunion

I feel like I’m one of the few people who have still absolutely loved this show for the past several seasons. Sure they haven’t recaptured the genius of season 2 and 3 (this seems to be a trend for me with comedy shows…), but seasons 4, 5, and 6 have all been consistently funny to me. They have had their highs and lows, sure, but I’m somewhat disappointed when I hear people maligning the inconsistency of the show recently.

I have been happy to see that many seem back on board with this season. Once again, not quite as strong as the glory days where we met the Men (of the Green, Day, and Night varieties), but hilarity ensued. We have the confirmation that Dennis is a full-on sexual predator who is in to some really weird shit, though it was never exactly stated outright until the very end of the season. We saw Charlie have the night of his dreams with the Waitress in the Jersey shore of all places, as well as seeing him vomit fake blood over some poor, poor woman. Frank continued to degenerate, and was helpful for us in learning the rules of Chardee MacDennis: The Game of Games. Plus, he got an episode centered around him, which, while not quite as funny an episode as this show can do, was still entertaining enough, and I respect the hell out of the writers for trying something new. Dee bounced back from her pregnancy and was as awful and pathetic as we’ve ever seen her (remember how she sent hair to some stranger on the Internet? So sad).

And of course, we had Mac, who became the gift that kept on giving in the form of Fat Mac. Even knowing of this development before the season began, it didn’t stop this idea from being hilarious. Rob McElheney had the thought that on every TV show around, as the series goes, characters get better looking because the actors get more well off. But he had the idea, why not gain 50 pounds, and work it into his character’s story for the season? And he did, and it was hysterical. Early on, it was hard to see more than an excuse for him to just eat as much as he wanted on camera, but as the season went, his continued insistence that he was just packing on mass to turn into muscle only got funnier and funnier as it became more and more apparent that he was just to lazy to turn the “mass” into muscle. Oh, and we learned just what his real name is, but I’ll leave that for you to find out on your own.

Plus, we got to see just how pathetic the gang’s glory days actually were at their high school reunion, and their delusion only makes it funnier (I’m looking at you Plan B).

Highlight episodes: “The Storm of the Century”, “Chardee MacDennis: The Game of Games”, “The Anti-Social Network”, “The Gang Gets Trapped”, and “High School Reunion Part 2: The Gang’s Revenge”.

Justified

Raylan Givens has a, ehem, friendly chat with Mags Bennet

While the first season of this fantastic, modern western ended with a hail of gunfire (exactly where the second season began), season 2 ended somewhat more quietly, though don’t you dare say it was with a whimper.

Season 2 expanded the world of Harlan County where US Marshall Raylan Givens was forced to return at the start of the series. Raylan calmed down, and showed his human side as he started seeing his ex-wife Winona again. He was trying to turn over a new leaf, and give his superiors reason to keep him around because he had something to stay for (even if that something could have nearly landed him in prison because of a stupid, poorly timed decision).

But that isn’t to say Raylan wouldn’t have had reason to pull out his gun and unload it into one of several people. His father was still running around trying to be some sort of elderly outlaw. Boyd Crowder was having a crisis of conscience, and resisting the urge to turn back to a life of crime (which justified keeping Walton Goggins around longer than originally planned in season 1), but some of his idiot white supremacist friends were still running around picking up jobs bringing prescription drugs into Harlan. And that’s not to mention the Bennets.

Oh the Bennets. There were brothers Coover and Dickie, who were trying to set out to expand their drug selling beyond the family’s crop of marijuana into prescription drugs. Dickie especially had a need to put a hurtin on Raylan for giving him a bum leg at a baseball game years before. Coover, on the other hand, was the muscle, and though he was a bit slow, he had a lot of fight in him. Then there was Doyle, the cop, who was good at staying one step ahead of the law to keep his family out of trouble when Raylan came looking. And then there was Mags, the matriarch, who makes a mean apple pie. Just make sure to pick out your own jar! She was sweet, and really had her family’s best interests at heart. But when the time came, the claws came out, and she could put a man in the ground if need be.

Highlight episodes: “For Blood or Money”, “Cottonmouth”, “Brother’s Keeper”, “Reckoning”, and “Bloody Harlan”.

Louie

Louie takes a duckling sightseeing on a USO tour of Afghanistan

Recently I was thinking about Louis CK’s unprecedented level of creative control in his brilliant FX series Louie. The network basically gives him a shoestring budget, and he gets to do whatever he wants, as long as it clears standards and practices, really. He doesn’t have to adhere to a specific genre or type of show, as most shows do. He gets to make whatever short films he wants to make, and is clearly having a great time doing this. He writes, directs, edits, contributes on making the music for, and stars in the series.

Honestly, the only person I can think of who has had this much control over telling the stories he wants to is George Lucas. But while Lucas has a seemingly unlimited budget and an army of sycophants surrounding him, Louis CK comes off as an incredibly grounded guy who wants to tell little stories with humor thrown in for relief, and doesn’t really care much about making toys of himself and the people who inhabit the universe of his show.

Instead he wants to tell stories about a less successful, road comic friend who stops by to say his goodbyes before going to kill himself and refuses to be talked out of it. Instead he wants to tell stories about taking his kids to see his great aunt, and sing “Who Are You?” for an extended sequence, just to realize the aunt says horribly racist things to his daughter. Instead he wants to tell stories where he sees a homeless man undressing in a subway station while a violinist plays a beautiful song mere feet away from one another. Instead he wants to tell stories of his daughters sneaking the class duckling into his luggage before he goes to Afghanistan on a USO tour and he must take care of it. Instead he wants to tell stories of confronting a man who he knows stole from him, and asking that man for a favor. He wants to tell stories of horribly unrequited love and teenage nieces who don’t give a shit about who you are and what you do.

Louie is a perfect example of what a creative genius can do if given the freedom to tell the best stories he knows how, and the television landscape is all the better for having him around to do just that.

Highlight episodes: “Bummer/Blueberries”, “Subway/Pamela”, “Oh Louie/Tickets”, “Eddie”, and “Duckling”.

Parks and Recreation

The Pawnee Parks Department (and friend) present a Christmas gift to Leslie

In 2011 we got 26 episodes of Parks and Recreation. Let me say that again: 26 episodes. And there wasn’t a dud in the bunch. Unlike The Office, this series was able to continue the momentum it had built up at the send of season 2 right on in to season 3. maybe that could have had something to do with their odd shooting schedule for the beginning of season 3. Maybe it has something to do with how much Pawnee, IN is the kind of place I would want to live, no matter how crazy things get there.

Starting with the government shutdown that ended season 2, season 3 started up in January with the Parks Department scrambling to find a way to make money so they could get back to work. Even Ron Swanson, who hates the government and everyone involved in it, seemed eager to get back to work, because, though he’d never admit it, we know that he loves the people he works with. And what’s not to love? There’s the always enthusiastic Leslie Knope, who found love in the form of a new budget advisor. There’s April Ludgate, who really gets the frequency Ron is operating on, and herself found love with the delightfully dimwitted Andy Dwyer. The flashy and douchey Tom Haverford, who embarked on starting his own company with the equally (if not more so) douchey Jean Ralphio (I will never not laugh at the sing-song way he says “I got run over by a Lexus!”) Plus the perpetually dating Donna Meagle. Really, the only person who it sucks to be around is Jerry. That guy sucks. I’m not even gonna say his last name because he doesn’t deserve it.

This show brings so much joy to my week, and I am always happy to visit Pawnee to see what shenanigans these people are getting up to. There isn’t a mean spirited bone in this series (except towards Jerry), and it is all the better for it. Last year I said that I would want to work with the people in this show, while I’d prefer to live my life with the characters in Community. This year, I’ve come around to wanting to live in Pawnee. I want to mourn the loss of Li’l Sebastian. I want to go to the End of the World, Going Out of Business Party for Entertainment 720. I want to hate on Eagleton. I want to go to the Harvest Festival.

Highlight episodes: “Media Blitz”, “Andy and April’s Fancy Party”, “Li’l Sebastian”, “End of the World”, and “Citizen Knope”.

So, there you have it. Next week I’ll rundown my year in film. Get ready!

It’s the most wonderful time of the year, isn’t it?

I of course mean the time of year end list making!

Not Christmas.

Who cares about that?

Nobody over the age of 11!

Am I right?

I’m not.

Anyway.

In the spirit of list making, I am here to present you with a list, what I believe, are 6 comedy themed podcasts that you should be listening to.

Now, I’ll be honest: not every one of these podcasts are for everyone. They just make me laugh hard, and I think are at least worth checking out. If nothing else, many of them will have episodes with people you have heard of, and would be great jumping on points to see how you react to them. I’ll also be giving recommendations about episodes I think are great jumping on points, or just downright fun.

Also, I don’t have the time to listen to all the podcasts I’m at least interested in, and may not mention ones you think are awesome. I didn’t mention some the I think are awesome, only based on the fact that I don’t listen to every episode. These are the shows I refuse to miss every week.

If this is the case, just use the comments to tell me what a n00b I am, and what I missed.

I’d like to think this can be a community.

Of hate.

Or something like that.

So, without further ado, in no particular order here are my FAVORITE COMEDY PODCASTS OF 2011:

Doug Loves Movies

(Almost) every week, at the UCB Theater in Los Angeles, Doug Benson (best known for being a stoner comimc) hosts a live podcast recording where he has his friends on to talk about what movies they are seeing (though it is not uncommon for the conversation to get derailed in other directions) and play what Doug describes as an “arcane movie trivia” game named for film critic Leonard Maltin. The game is essentially Name that Tune, but instead of lines from a song, contestants bid on how many names it will take for them to guess what movie is being described, from the lowest billed, according to Leonard Maltin, to the top.

The real fun of the show comes from the guests Doug has on the show. TJ Miller has a tendency to derail conversation and gameplay to humorous effect (which frustrates Benson to no end, since his show is taped in the hour before the live Comedy Bang Bang show, so they are working against the clock). Edgar Wright (director of Shaun of the Dead, Hot Fuzz, and Scott Pilgrim vs the World) has a knowledge of movies unparalleled to almost anyone (which honestly shows in his directing). Paul F. Tompkins can come off a bit smug. Not to mention Anthony Jeselnik, Jon Hamm, Adam Scott, and so many more.

This is the only podcast I put everything I’m listening to on hold to listen to because it is just so much fun.

Episodes not to be missed this year:

November 14 featuring characters Cake Boss (Tompkins), El Chupacabra (Nick Kroll), and Don Dimello (Andy Daly); September 4, 5 recorded from the Bumbershoot festival featuring (1) Scott Aukerman, Amy Schumer, Rory Scovel, and Valient Himself (2) Anthony Jeselnik, Wayne Federman, Kyle Kinane, and Big Irish Jay Hollingsworth (3) Eugene Mirman, Paul F. Tompkins, Kurt Metzger, and Sean Jordan; August 24 featuring Zach Galifianakis, Nick Swardsen, Marc Maron, and Matt Mira; and August 5 featuring Aziz Ansari, Reuben Fleischer, Paul Scheer, and Rob Huebel. And that’s all just from the last four months. Episodes can be found on iTunes and at Doug Loves Movies.

Nerdist

Chris Hardwick, along with Jonah Ray and Matt Mira, host one of the most interesting podcasts in the comedy section of iTunes, for my money. They release two episodes a week: an episode featuring a guest and a “Hostful” episode, with just the 3 guys talking. More than any other show I listen to, you genuinely get the feeling that you are friends with these three guys, and just get to be a fly on the wall for their highly interesting conversations. Earlier guests on the show are often friends of Hardwick, though lately, as the Nerdist brand grows more and more popular, people like JJ Abrams (on the episode that dropped this very day), the current cast of Doctor Who, and the men behind the brilliant comedy Black Dynamite.

The show is so popular, BBC America produced a 30 minute television special, which did so well that a handful of hour long episodes have been commissioned for the next year. As I said earlier, the show is just plain fun. And before you go thinking this show is all seriousness and discussion of nerdery, fret not. The fact that the three hosts are all comedians definitely brings the funny, not to mention brings out the sense of humor in the guests. And the shows can go in such interesting directions (Hear Dave Attell discuss vintage porn! Tom Wilson who played Biff in the Back to the Future Trilogy discussses being an object of pop art! Ben Folds plays music live! And more!)

Episodes not to be missed this year:

JJ Abrams; Jenny Wade; John Hodgman; Ben Folds; Tom Lennon and Ben Garant; Rifftrax guys, Kevin Pereira, and Judah Friedlander Live at SDCC 2011; Matt Smith, Karen Gillan, and Wil Wheaton Live at SDCC 2011; Neil Gaiman; Simon Pegg; Robert Kirkman; Patton Oswalt; Damon Lindelof; Jimmy Fallon; Black Dynamite Panel; Brad Meltzer; Wil Wheaton; Colin Hanks; Zach Galifianakis; Kevin Smith. Episodes can be downloaded on iTunes and at the Nerdist Website.

Comedy Bang Bang (Comedy Death-Ray Radio)

Scott Aukerman hosts Comedy Bang Bang (formerly called Comedy Death-Ray Radio until episode 103), which could best be described as an experiment in silliness. Extended character bits and improv games are weekly staples, as the show takes the “Yes, and…” style of improvisation to a whole new level. Frequent segments include Jukebox Jury (where guests listen to listener submitted “comedy” songs, which almost always end in frustration for everyone invloved), What Am I Thinking? (where participants pair off count down and try to say the same word or phrase (this is a terrible description of this game)), Fortunately Unfortunately (where stories are told one line at a time starting by alternating “fortunately” and “unfortunately”), Plugs (which Aukerman insists on calling the most popular part of the show, where guests plug upcoming appearances), and of course Would You Rather? (where contestants are given a “Would you Rather…?” scenario and ask Aukerman questions to figure out which answer is best for them, going to crazy depths of hilarity).

Must listen episodes feature appearances by Paul F. Tompkins, Andy Daly, and James Adomian playing some of the funniest, most insane characters you might ever hear. Andy Daly is especially noteworthy for having characters who primarily just failed attempts to kill themselves or are on their way to do so for some insane reason. And speaking of characters, they don’t come much better than Seth Morris’ recurring Bob Ducca, the ex-stepfather of Aukerman who is, to put it lightly, a giant sad sack. Jessica St. Clair’s Marissa Whompler is a 15 year-old high school student interning at the show, but constantly grossed out by these adult men when she forces her way on to the show. Parks and Recreation writer Harris Wittels frequently stops by to share “Harris’ Phone (Foam) Corner”, which are basically jokes he put on his phone that were to bad to share anywhere else. Jon Hamm, “Weird Al” Yankovic, Paul Scheer, and Rob Huebel always bring their A-game as well, and constantly delight.

Episodes not to be missed this year:

Mayor of Hollywood featuring Andy Daly and Jason Mantzoukas; National Pleasure featuring Paul Scheer, Nick Swardson, and Brody Stevens; Shanghaied by Irene featuring Zach Galifianakis, Paul F. Tompkins, and Yo La Tengo; Farts and Procreation featuring Adam Scott, Harris Wittels, and Chelsea Peretti; Andi Callahan, RN featuring Gillian Jacobs and Andy Daly; When I Go to Queens… featuring Todd Glass and Jessica St. Clair; Pussy CPR featuring James Adomian, Rob Corddry, and Erinn Hayes; Somethin for Daddy featuring Patton Oswalt and Andy Daly; Can I Catch a Ride featuring Jon Hamm and Seth Morris; Dip Didda Dip Dow featuring Andy Daly and Ben Schwartz; And The Oscar Goes To… featuring James Adomian and Reggie Watts. Episodes can be downloaded on iTunes and at the Earwolf Website.

How Did This Get Made?

Do you love terrible movies? Do you enjoy making fun of them? If so, then this is the show for you! Every week Paul Scheer, June Diane Raphael, and Jason Mantzoukas (who is not on Twitter) are joined by a guest to question the logic in terrible movies. One of the most fun things to listen to is the increasing frustration of the hosts as they dig deeper and deeper into the plot holes and questionable occurrences in the movies.

The thing is, they really do seem to enjoy these movies (well, at least most of them), and they are at least amused in their frustration. The only movie they have really come away from saying they genuinely liked was Fast Five because of the levels of insanity the movie leaps to. From kids movies to adaptations of sci-fi novels/religious texts, no genre is safe.

One of the best things about the podcast is the featured movies are, for the most part, recent, or at least easily accessible thanks to Netflix, so you can do your research and join in the frustration. Though, for many, viewing before you listen is not required, they will certainly warn you when your viewing will be rewarded to some degree (true, you won’t get those hours of your life back, but you will at least get some good laughs out of the podcast), and you can join in on the frustration!

Episodes not to be missed this year:

Superman 3 Live with Damon Lindelof and Jack O’Halloran (2 Parter!); The Room featuring Greg Sestero and Steve Heisler; Punisher: War Zone featuring Patton Oswalt and Lexi Alexander; The Wicker Man featuring Jonah Ray; The Smurfs featuring Paul F. Tompkins; Fast Five featuring Adam Scott; Sucker Punch featuring Chelsea Peretti; Old Dogs featuring Casey Wilson. Episodes can be downloaded on iTunes and at the Earwolf Website.

Mike Detective

Comedian Rob Huebel stars this serialized show as Mike Detective, unlicensed and uninsured private eye, and the results are hysterical. One running gag features Detective’s inability to remember any movie aside from Taken starring Liam Neeson. Episodes feature guest appearances as Mike Detective works his way through solving one big case running through the first season. The mystery isn’t so much the important thing here as the escalating insanity of the case.

It is difficult to say much more about the show. Episodes run under 10 minutes, and are filled with hilarity. Don’t jump around with this one. Just listen straight through. It will not take you very long.

Episodes can be downloaded on iTunes and at the Earwolf Website.

The Pod F. Tompkast

Paul F. Tompkins hosts this recording of night time on the Internet that is broken into four recurring segments woven together by Tompkins freestyle talking.

The first segment is “The Great Undiscovered Project” where Tompkins brings together characters he perfected on Comedy Bang Bang to discuss making the greatest movie ever. I mean, look at the people involved: Gary Marshall, Ice T, Cake Boss, Mr. Brainwash, John Lithgow, John C. Riley, Sir Andrew Lloyd Weber and more. Something in the making of this movie went wrong, and all evidence of the film was erased, save these audio recordings submitted by an unnamed party. The characters all have their own bizarre quirks as Tompkins portrays them, and seeing the insanity ratchet up is the real fun here.

The second segment is a recording from Tompkins’ weekly Paul F. Tompkins Show recorded at Largo in Los Angeles. The show is essentially a variety show featuring Tompkins and his friends performing sketches, often based around the closest holiday, as evidenced in the podcast. These segments are genuinely fun.

The third segment is a recorded conversation between Tompkins and comedian Jen Kirkman, most likely best known for being in the original Drunk History on Funny or Die. The stories from her life are amusing, but the real fun comes from Tompkins making interjecting questions about circumstances and such. And after this is Paul F. Tompkins Comes to Your Town, where Tompkins plugs upcoming shows.

The only real issue with this show is because it is so heavily scripted in the Great Undiscovered Project, that it can often throw off the schedule of episodes being released, though Tompkins definitely does what he can to make the time between more bearable by releasing Extrasodes.

This is another one that is best listened to from the first episode on. Episodes can be downloaded on iTunes and Here.

—-

So, there you have it. My favorite podcasts from the last year. I hope you check them out and enjoy them. And, as I said earlier, feel free to list your own recommendations in the comments

Have a great week, and stop back by next Monday for my rundown of my favorite television shows of the year.

First off, sorry this is late. Blah blah blah.

Secondly, as fun as it was to rant about those terrible people who make me hold the door open for them, it is the end of the year, and as such I am in the list making mood. So, for the next month, I am going to be doing lists of my favorite things from the last year. What you can look forward to are lists about podcasts, television, and film.

This week, however, is a little different.

This is going to be the first installment in a series I am going to revisit monthly (I hope), where I will recommend a comedian you should check out and pay attention to.

I am often getting asked for recommendations of comedians to check out (since I have started doing stand up), and thought this could be a solid forum for just that.

I’m leaning more towards comedians who, when I mention their name to people, their response is often, “Who is that?” so you probably shouldn’t expect to see people like Louis CK or Patton Oswalt, no matter how much I love them (which is quite a bit).

I am not trying to look like some kind of expert here. These are just people whose comedy I really love.

So, let’s get into it.

Kyle Kinane

Last year, his debut album Death of the Party made many year end lists, which caused me to take notice. The London Evening Standard described his comedy as bleak and misanthropic, according to Kinane himself on the album, and though it certainly is an apt description, it works in his world weary stage presence. Ruminating on the Detroit Lions’ 0 win season, Kinane muses that, though we shouldn’t necessarily take the term “hero” away from firefighters and policemen, it should definitely be amended to include people who show up every day to their job, do it wrong, and still get to live in a mansion. I constantly find myself laughing out loud while listening to or watching him perform, and he is constantly writing.

If you couldn’t tell by my gushing, Kyle Kinane is one of my favorite comedians right now. He is incredibly open and honest onstage whether talking about society’s shortcomings or his own, which is extremely appealing.

Near the end of his CD, he discusses just how some of his more whimsical bits come to be thanks to his insomnia, followed by an incredibly hilarious description of just what insomnia is (hint: not staying up to watch all of Jimmy Kimmel).

The clip I’m attaching here is about 14 minutes long, but doesn’t nearly feel like it. He effortlessly moves from the absurdity of people saying you should “grab life by the balls” to being pretentious and reading Walden right in to an advertisement for the largest deliverable pizza. It is some seriously funny stuff.

Bleak and misanthropic, though he may be, Kyle Kinane is one hilarious man, and I am excited to see just where his comedy goes from here.

Download Death of the Party on iTunes

I return from my journeys!

Give or take journeys.

But I am back to entertain you with my ramblings, and I am committing to keeping this thing regular.

Every Monday, I will be back with something or other to keep you entertained.

But that’s all prologue.

I have something to actually share today, and though it isn’t the longest piece I have done, or will do, it is something!

(Also, a disclaimer, for those of you who may get easily offended. I mention rape in an offhanded way in this. I don’t see it that way. I know it’s serious. But this writing is not, and I think you’ll see that I’m exaggerating. And if you can’t get past that, then maybe this isn’t for you. I’m not offended, and you won’t be offended, and we can go about our day. Good? Good.)

Now, the holiday season is upon us, and with it brings a very busy shopping time. A time where you must venture to such ungodly places as the mall. And at these malls, you will encounter all manner of people in your shopping/battles.

I’m here to discuss a potential encounter you may have.

Imagine a scenario with me for a moment:

You are walking up to the entrance to a mall. Now, this entrance has between 4 and 8 doors to enter through. Meanwhile, inside the mall, some disgusting elderly person (henceforth referred to as DEP because I want to dehumanize him or her as much as possible) is also approaching the doors. Now, you are approaching the door on the far right, as you see it. The DEP is approaching the door on his or her own far right.

So, you are walking up to doors on opposite sides. Then, this gross, horrible DEP notices you through the glass doors, and makes a beeline to the complete other side of the doors. In other words, the side you are on, so that, without your consent, you are forced to hold the door open for this “person”.

Now, I’m not going to go so far as to compare this to rape. But, that is pretty much how rape works last I checked.

However, the police will not like it if you show up at the station claiming you’ve been raped, only to find out you were just forced to hold the door open for some DEP. They do not consider that rape (write your congressmen to get this oversight fixed).

I’m all for being kind to strangers in public. But that’s only if they are a cute girl. Whether a cute hipster or some other form of cute, I don’t discriminate. I’d also be willing to extend this kindness to potential models, depending on the day.

Female models.

Not male models.

Sorry guys, you’re on your own.

Just not some DEP.

What are some solutions for a problem like this?

Well, for one, I’m just gonna go ahead and say it: we euthanize the elderly.

Now, I know this idea may kick up some controversy, but hear me out.

Not only will we not have to look at their gross faces, and listen to their outdated stories anymore, but it will also make the roads safer.

You know, for the children.

Or something like that.

And it isn’t like I’m saying we should eat them.

They’re old.

The meat is most definitely spoiled by now.

The thing is, it isn’t just DEPs who are doing this.

There’s also dudes.

And middle aged couples.

Or mothers with a parade of children.

And you seriously don’t want to get stuck holding the door open for this last one. Just imagine if the door is kind of heavy, but not unreasonably heavy door open for not just one potential hot mom, but also a parade of children.

A parade!

Do you have any idea how long parades last?

Have you ever watched the Macy’s Thanksgiving parade? All I know is I can never finish it because it is way too long!

Plus a parade of children features neither college cheerleaders nor a float carrying Nickelback.

Unbearable!

So, here’s a potential solution: shift to another door as well.

The obvious problem with this is, obviously, that the person inside will also continue shifting to another door so that you will still have to hold the door open for him or her.

Your best bet if this happens is to just keep changing doors until this person finally gets tired of trying to make you hold the door open for him or her, and then when they finally give in and open the door for him or herself, you slip in, and say something witty along the line of, “Don’t like it very much do you?” or “Serves you right!”

And if appropriate, attach a racial or sexist epithet to the end of your retort.

But if you do this, know that I do not recommend it, and you will most assuredly be assaulted in some way.

There could also be a third party who comes along and is more concerned about looking like a “good person” than doing what is right here, and will just open the door for the DEP (or whomever) inside, and then you’re off the hook!

Really, though, the best solution to this all would be just to stay at home and live as a shut in.

Or only go to places with automatic doors.

Merry Christmas Season!

It’s been a while, hasn’t it?

Well, I can assure you of something.

Sure I haven’t posted in a bit, but my frustration over customers at work has not diminished.

The mall I work in is in a part of the Nashville area that caters to people who have, how you say?, money. And these people with money are better than I am because they have money. It’s just that simple.

Right?

Well.

I have a fable for you fine people today.

It actually happened today.

Well, it’s 4 separate stories that I believe are very telling about this part of town.

I could get into all sorts of “What if?” scenarios, but that wouldn’t do any of us any good.

So, I’ll just lay out the stories for you, as well as some of my patented incredulity over how someone could be this way.

1. Breakfast ended 30 minutes ago

In our store, we sell breakfast items up to a certain point. We have to stop serving them at lunch time because we do not have the room for the egg cooking apparatus, and we have to utilize the containers used to hold the eggs and cooked meats with other lunch time foods.

Breakfast ends, in our store, at 10:30 during the week and at 11:00 on the weekend. It’s pretty simple.

When breakfast ends, we break down the egg cooker. We don’t throw away any eggs. We use them. We go through them quickly enough that we don’t have to worry about waste.

Now, if someone comes in right after breakfast ended, and we have an egg left, we can help them out.

If it’s 20 to 30 minutes later, well, it is tricky.

Usually by this time, the egg cooker has cleaning supplies sprayed over it to be cleaned so it would be hazardous to one’s health to eat eggs cooked off of it at this time.

Now that we have established all of this, let’s get into what happened today.

A lady came in at 11:30 and wanted to order breakfast.

I might mention that she works in the mall, and for some reason, ladies 35 and older who work in the mall seem to think that we owe them something special since they know what we have to go through or something.

I don’t know.

So.

This lady wants to order breakfast.

But we stopped serving it 3o minutes ago.

She heaves and haws and the manager in charge gets involved.

She tells him about how she came in at 10:45, and was waiting in line. At this point in the day, we will typically have 2 cashiers and 1 bakery backer.

Well, the guy who was in the bakery asks her if she needs something from the bakery. She just wants a sandwich.

So, she was told that she would need to go order it from one of the cashiers because the most complicated thing the bakery backer is qualified to do is make a smoothie or toast a bagel. He doesn’t fix the sandwiches.

Well, for some reason, the lady decides that she needs to leave so that she can go open up the store she works at in the mall, and doesn’t get breakfast.

So, at 11:30, she is telling the manager her harrowing tale.

Well, the egg cooker hasn’t been cleaned yet because we’ve been too busy to get to that because, from about 10:30 until 2:00 on a Sunday we are typically dealing with people who have just gotten out of church needing something to eat, so we get spurts of business.

We could have easily sent her on her way without this sandwich she went through so much to buy, but out manager, showing a tremendous amount of grace, if you ask me, says that he will make her one, even though breakfast is over.

Here’s the best part:

The lady keeps on complaining about how we’ve wronged her.

Seriously.

And I’ve gotta wonder, did she not realize that we would be busy during our breakfast time? Why was she depending on our food for her breakfast. I mean, she clearly didn’t need to be at work until 11:00, so why didn’t she eat at home before coming in? Or show up early, maybe?

True, she could have been running late today, but that is no excuse to stay pissy when we are going out of our way to help you.

And she will probably call in a customer complaint on us for this.

2. I can’t handle something like this today

So, a little while later, another lady comes in with her family.

She also works in the mall.

Well, something was wrong with her sandwich, and she wanted us to fix it.

Well, instead of being polite about it, she comes up and just starts telling the manager (same one from before) how she isn’t having a very good day and she can’t handle something like this today.

Remember that when we get to my 4th story.

So, the manager finds out what was wrong with her sandwich and fixes her a new one.

The thing is, he had to fish out of her what she wanted.

This one isn’t as complex as the breakfast lady, but still.

This woman is the kind of person who just strolls in from the mall, and, simply because she works in the mall, feels that she deserves to be helped immediately and not have to wait in the line like some sore of commoner.

She does realize that she works in a chain retail store, right?

But, I guess she is better than us.

And, once again, after having been helped, this lady doesn’t extend a word of thanks for fixing her order.

She just walks off.

And she’ll probably call in a customer complaint on us for this.

3. Doesn’t bad milk smell…bad?

So, a little while later a lady comes in to let us know how we wronged her.

4 days ago.

She came in an ordered a Chai Tea 4 days ago. I’m guessing it was iced originally based on the details of her story.

And the details of this story are numerous.

Too numerous if you ask me.

So, she says she wants a refund for her drink.

Here’s the gist of why.

So, she her drink and got all the way home before tasting it.

Well something tasted off.

I should mention that our Chai has a MUCH stronger cinnamon taste than, say, Starbucks. Or any other coffee shop.

I have heard it described as “cinnamon milk”. That’s pretty accurate.

Well, the lady decides to heat it up in the microwave.

Because the only way you can tell if milk is bad is if it is hot.

Her words.

Not mine.

So, after being microwaved she takes a big drink, and according to her, the top had turned to “cottage cheese”. She could see this, and still took a drink

Well, she knows that this drink is bad and toxic because she is in such good shape that he body will immediately dispel any toxins that enter into it.

Thus, her body…dispelled it.

She was throwing it up.

Once again, the same manager is dealing with this lady who wants a refund.

By this time he is pretty frustrated.

You would be too if you had to deal with issues like these, all on the same day.

So, he asks her if she has the receipt for it.

“Who keeps a receipt for a drink?”

“Well, ma’am, if you don’t have a receipt, I can’t give you a refund.”

She tries to tell him that she remembers which associate helped her, but he doesn’t even give in to this one.

He also asks her about the fact that milk smells sour when it goes bad, as a warning sign that you shouldn’t drink it, going back to her assertion that you can only tell if milk is bad when it is hot.

She tells him that there is NO WAY to tell if milk is bad by smell.

Seriously.

Well, he has had it with her.

“Why didn’t you call us 4 days ago when this happened?”

“I was too busy and put it on my ‘to do’ list.”

She couldn’t be bothered with a phone call.

Not even to warn us that the milk in the Chai is bad. And why should she, “it isn’t [her] responsibility, it is [ours] to know if the milk is bad.”

No, don’t even worry about your duty as a human being to let someone know if harm could fall onto others.

I bet this lady would let domestic abuse happen right under her nose. She isn’t a cop. It isn’t her husband. It isn’t her responsibility.

She didn’t get a refund, but she did get the business card of our GM so she could come in when he would be in and talk to him about this.

And she’ll probably call in a customer complaint on us for this.

Which brings us to…

4. Tuna salad does not equal chicken salad

So, this one happened between number 2 and 3, but I’m getting all Tarantino on you for a reason.

So, a guy who works in the mall came in for lunch.

For starters, he is a pretty cool guy.

Doesn’t really complain. At all.

He has a level head on his shoulders. Doesn’t blow things out of proportion.

The type of customer we would all like to help, to be honest.

So, interestingly enough, the same manager steps up to the register to help him.

Before he orders, he asks a simple enough question.

“Does your tuna salad have almonds in it now?”

The manager informs him that it doesn’t.

He lets us know that he ordered tuna salad yesterday and he got something with almonds in it.

The manager realizes what must have happened and lets him know that the cashier or someone must have goofed and rang him up for a chicken salad sandwich, which does have almonds in it.

Now, the whole time, this guys has been very cool about the whole thing.

He is just trying to get to the bottom of a little mystery.

The reason?

Well, he is DEATHLY allergic to nuts.

So, when he ate this sandwich yesterday, he realized there were almonds in it, and had to RUSH HOME TO GIVE HIMSELF AN INJECTION TO STOP HIS ALLERGIC REACTION TO THE SANDWICH WE GAVE HIM.

And this guy isn’t pissed at us.

Not in the least bit.

He doesn’t ask for a refund.

He just wants to know if one of the sandwiches he likes has been taken off the table due to allergies.

And of course we give him his meal free today.

WE ALMOST KILLED HIM YESTERDAY.

It’s the least we could do.

Recap, no?

A lady shows up late for breakfast. We tell her she is late. She whines. We give her the breakfast she wants. She continues to whine.

A lady gets her sandwich sort of wrong. It probably had onions on it and she doesn’t like onions and couldn’t be bothered to pick them off. She whines about it. We make her a new one. She continues to whine.

A lady tries to lie her way into 4 bucks through a Walter White-ian web of lies with random, insignificant details about a drink she probably never ordered, and when she essentially gets called on it, she continues to whine. Sure, she didn’t get what she was looking for, but she really didn’t deserve it.

We NEARLY KILL A GUY, and he takes it in stride. No, he takes it more than in stride. He had every right to yell at us and flip the eff out on us, but he didn’t. He was polite, and continued to be the customer we are used to him being because he realized that mistakes happen. He’s still alive. What’s done is done.

So, that happened today.

I know I did.

And since I have opinions about movies that people listen to (help me feel relevant here), I figured I’d help you all out with a quick rundown of what to expect from all 10 movies up for Best Picture.

And now that I’ve used the phrase “up for Best Picture” several times, I’ll jump into it!

127 Hours -Spoiler Alert! Danny Boyle can’t keep the camera still for more than 20 seconds.

Black Swan – The best anti-masturbation PSA the Church never made about ballerinas.

The Fighter -Finally! A movie that features Mark Wahlberg punching someone in the face! It’s about damn time!

Inception – A white van takes a drive to the river. Hijinks ensue!

The Kids Are All Right – See?! Lesbian couples have problems just like real couples do! And Mark Ruffalo is a charming a**hole.

The King’s Speech – I had so hoped that a movie would never come along to make stutterers feel good about themselves, but this movie dashed that dream.

The Social Network -So, all it takes to get laid, if you’re a nerd, is starting a website? Hey ladies! I have a GeoCities site! It’s all about 7th Heaven! So, you know I’m sensitive.

Toy Story 3 -A movie guaranteed to make your boyfriend or brother cry. Nay, weep!

True Grit -There’s nothing at all creepy about a one-eyed man taking care of a pre-teen girl who he has no relation to, right? No? Well, it’s a western, so…yeah?

Winter’s Bone -See kids! This is why you don’t do meth! You’ll have to live in the Ozarks! And be sad.

So, there you have it!

You’re welcome.

So, now that I’ve vented my year end lists on you,

(You’re welcome to anyone who starts Breaking Bad. You’re horrified now, but it is the BEST. SHOW. ON. TELEVISION. But enough about that.)

I’m back to ranting about the stupid stuff in my life.

I’m trying to be more positive in real life, lately.

I’ve found that when someone asks how I am, I can be a black hole of negativity at times, and if my plan in life is to make people happy, that may not be the best thing to do.

And as I write out that statement and read it back to myself, I feel like something of a hippie.

Anyway.

I have a fun little story for you all today.

Actually it happened today.

A little background:

1. I’ve had food poisoning yesterday and the day before (and a bit of dizziness today). My mom thinks it’s the flu. I’m convinced it wasn’t. Let’s move on.org

2. Wednesday is New Comic Book Day ™ and I get new comic books on Wednesday (nerd alert!)

3. Patton Oswalt just put out a new book this week called Zombie Spaceship Wasteland and I wanted it.

Zombie Spaceship Wasteland

4. I had to be at work at 11:00, and wanted to eat before my shift (as usual)

5. Last one, promise: Borders and my local comic shop both open at 10:00

So, this morning, I get up and feel better than I have in the past 2 days. Which is to say, it didn’t make me dizzy to walk 30 feet from my couch to my shower, so felt like I could make it to work.

(But you better believe I was gonna get my comics, dammit! Even if I couldn’t get to work today.)

I was very tired but I need the hours, so I got my ass to Mars!

Wait.

No.

Nashville.

So, after getting my comics, I shuffled off to Borders to get aforementioned book.

By the time I found the book (Because it would make no sense to put all their new books at the front of the store, right?) I was feeling kind of dizzy and I was closing in on time to get to work. So I was in a bit of a rush when I made my way to the check out.

I walk up.

Nobody else is in line.

The guy behind the counter asks if I have my rewards card.

I hand it to him.

Then he asks me if I know about their “Borders Rewards Plus” program.

I’m delirious, and don’t know about it, but don’t have the better judgment to say, “Yeah. I do. I’m not interested.”

But instead, I say, “No.”

Big mistake.

The guy goes through the spiel about the program. “20% off hardcover, 40% off paperback” is what I gleaned. And it costs $20.00 a year.

I don’t want to spend $20.00 more today, so I politely say, “Actually, thanks, but I’m not interested today.”

Then he ran my credit card, I signed, and left to go to work.

Or that’s how it should have gone.

Instead, he says, “You sure man? I see you’re a Gold Member, so you’d be saving a ton of money every year.”

Now, I don’t shop at Borders as regularly as I used to, so this wasn’t so enticing to me, and I had no idea I was a “Gold Member” or what that even meant, but that is neither here, nor there.

I politely say, “You know what man, that’s alright. Not right now.”

Then he ran my credit card, I signed, and left to go to work.

Or, that’s what should have happened.

Instead, still not getting the message he tells me, “If you sign up today, you can save $8.00 on this book, so the membership would really only cost you $12.00. It’s a pretty great deal.”

At this point, I’m just trying not to pass out, and I say (still politely, no less), “Not today, man.”

I haven’t been a jerk to this guy at a single point in our conversation. I’ve been polite, and let him give me his spiel. I understand how it is. I have to give the spiel at work, myself. When someone tells me they’re not interested, I’m like, “No worries. I won’t take it personally,” and give the most horribly awkward laugh you’ve ever seen, and they uncomfortably shuffle away from my register to get their food. I even get that some places have quotas for their employees to reach, or there are incentive prizes for getting X number of people to sign up for their program.

I get it.

But if someone tells you they aren’t interested, here’s my advice: Don’t take it personally.

So, here’s what happens next.

He gets the message.

Then he ran my card, I sign, and I left to go to work.

Sort of.

He’s had my card in his hand this whole time.

He runs it, and his attitude changes drastically.

As he swipes the card, under his breath, with an inappropriately savage tone, he says, “I’m just tryin’ to save you money.”

Under his breath!

I don’t know if he wanted me to hear it or not, but I just ignore it (Positivity!).

He gives me back my card, and I know I’ve awakened the Rancor, so I’m ready to get out of there, and I’m gathering my book. He throws his little receipt slip down in front of me, slams a pen on it, and lets me know, “You need to sign this.”

I quickly sign, grab my stuff, and get out of Dodge.

And I laugh as I walk out the door because I have never had someone be so passive-aggressive with me about “trying to save [me] money” before.

Never.

And I don’t think that’s the best way to convince someone you really want to help them out.

Especially when I’m going to be spending $12.00 on top of what I went in there prepared to spend.

It really took some willpower for me not to just lay into this guy, and tell him,”If you’re trying to get someone to sign up for your program, it’s probably a good idea to not be a total jerk about it. Also, think about why I would be just trying to get out the door quickly without having to go through more than just buy this book. How do you know I’m not running late for work (as I was getting close to at this point), or maybe they are trying to rush to some sort of prior engagement and needed one last thing (this book) before getting there. Think about that before you lay into another person for no reason other than you keeping your rewards quota up. And don’t tell me you’re saving me money. Yeah, maybe in the long run. But today, you’re just getting me to drop another $12.00.”

Driving to work, this guy gets under my skin, and I get really dizzy and hungry. It definitely does not help my mood.

And even better, the first 2 people I encountered at the mall before work, I unloaded my woes from the past 2 days upon them. The first: my being sick and having a pathetic last 2 days. The next: a profanity laced version of this very story.

I realized what a downer those things were to lay on someone, and if you are reading this now, I apologize (something I will almost never use this as a forum to do) for unloading my crap on you. I felt like a jerk for it. I’m sorry.

So, yeah.

That happened today.

A great year.

This year TV has really eclipsed film for me, and I can’t say that’s a bad thing. Thanks to Netflix I’ve been able to go back and watch some excellent shows from the last decade. The Wire. Deadwood. Avatar: The Last Airbender (which was bastardized in a film by M. Night Shyamalan). All great shows. All worth your time.

While that is well and good, there have been some shows to air this year that really help to demonstrate why people are saying we’re in the midst of a Golden Age of television. Most of the shows I’ll talk about, you will see on the Best Of lists written out by professional critics. A couple you may not. But this is really meant to be more of a big list of recommendations. The shows I’ve been watching, that I believe you should jump on board with (with two exceptions that have ended their respective runs). The miracle of online streaming and DVDs make catching up a very real possibility. Something you should really take advantage of (I say as if you’ve never heard of these things before).

There are some shows I missed, or fell behind on which won’t make the list (Terriers, Boardwalk Empire, Louie). I’m just sticking with shows I have seen up to the present on.

So enough of my preamble. Let’s get into the 12 shows you should do yourself a favor and watch.

12. It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Mac and Dennis as Riggs and Murtagh in Lethal Weapon 5

I’m going to make a guess that anyone who reads this either already watches or has been told by a friend (or 3) that they need to watch this. Okay, for those of you that get easily offended, this may not be the best bet. If you are easily offended you should definitely not watch this show. But if you have a sense of humor, then you need to be watching It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. The show follows Mac (Rob McElhenney), Dennis (Glenn Howerton), Charlie (Charlie Day), Dee (Kaitlin Olson), and Frank (Danny DeVito) as about the worst people alive. This year, we saw Gay Marriage get exploited, a black face using sequel to Lethal Weapon, an insane radio podcast, and Dee have a baby, among other things. Every year the gang sinks to new lows, and every year, it is impossible to look away. It isn’t so much a train wreck as a nuclear implosion of insanity. In one of the season’s highlights, the guys try to get to the bottom of the mystery of who got Dee pregnant on Halloween, with each telling the events of the night (as they remember them, after “browning out”), with each telling adding a new layer of insanity. The characters are simultaneously selfish and stupid, yet they remain (sometimes) endearing. How else could we support their insane desire to get into a fancy country club, and establish their status as high class? One of the best parts of this series is that you can watch any episode without prior knowledge of what has happened, and still find something to laugh at. It certainly helps if you know the characters (and running gags galore) from watching what came before, but it is in no way necessary. It all boils down to this: If you want to have a good laugh, check this show out. Seasons 1-5 are out on DVD (and Blu-Ray in the case of season 5), as well as an incredible Christmas Special (which aired with season 6). Season 6 should be on DVD in September, with season 7 starting up a week or so later on FX.

11. Justified

Raylan Gibbons and Boyd Crowder have words

When the first season opened, it was in the last 3 minutes of a 24 hour ultimatum for a gun runner to get out of Miami. That ultimatum was given by Raylan Givens (Timothy Olyphant), a modern-day gunslinger with a mighty quick shot. Who cares if US Marshals aren’t supposed to give 24 hour ultimatums, like they could in the days of the Wild West? Well, his bosses, for one. So, he’s sent to his home of Harlan County, Kentucky. He isn’t thrilled. Based on some short stories by Elmore Leonard, Justified is a modern day western that shifts from a case of the week format to an overarching story about one man’s rage and his tough relationship with his father. And, though his relationship with his father is neat to watch, the most fascinating relationship is between Raylan and Boyd Crowder, a friend from Raylan’s youth, who has since taken up with a group of White Supremacists (not to mention his father, a meth kingpin of Harlan County). The scenery is beautiful, and if you’re not into that sort of thing, there’s a couple of sexy ladies in the form of Raylan’s ex-wife (Erica Tazel) and his new flame (Joelle Carter), who just so happens to be the self-widowed wife of Boyd’s brother (it’s really not as complicated as I wrote it out there). The show is just fun to watch (get used to that phrase), and though it took a couple episodes to find it’s footing, it had my attention from the start. It’s coming out on DVD/Blu-Ray in January, and the second season starts up February 9 on FX.

10. Archer

Sterling Archer

Sure there are dozens of workplace comedies (with a handful on this list, even), but how many are about a spy agency? One. Just one. That show is Archer. Sure it’s animated, but that shouldn’t hold you back from watching this wonderful show. Focusing on chauvinist extraordinaire Sterling Archer (H. Jon Benjamin), the top agent of ISIS, the show is more about the soap operatic workplace drama than the spy game (though that is often used to great effect). Sterling has to deal with the manipulations of his mother, Malory (Jessica Walter); trying to steal ex Lana (Aisha Tyler) from her new beau Cyril (Chris Parnell); and much more. It gets increasingly insane as the first season progresses, and the characters really begin to grow into themselves. Who would have thought that Cheryl (Judy Greer), who began the season obsessing over Sterling (to the extent of changing her name to Carol because it’s what he “thought” her name was), would wind up manipulating Cyril into a choke-heavy love affair? I sure didn’t. (Spoiler alert?) The characters to grow over the season, but that isn’t really why you watch. You watch for the awful way these people treat each other. Really, it’s like a sexier It’s Always Sunny, with some sweet spy action thrown in for good measure. A few episodes in features a masterful scene where several employees of ISIS, at a dinner party hosted by Malory, hide a body in the apartment of one of Malory’s neighbors that she holds nothing but animosity towards. And it all happens off screen. It all comes down to the strength of the voice actors. And what a strong voice cast do they have. H. Jon Benjamin is one of those guys who pops up in comedies (both animated and live action), who has an incredibly distinctive voice. Jeffrey Tambor joins Judy Greer and Jessica Walter as alums of Arrested Development, which is appropriate, considering creator Adam Reed described the show as a cross between James Bond and Arrested. It is just as mad cap as the latter, and the spy situations definitely lend themselves to the former. Season 1 came out this week (December 27) on DVD and season 2 will start on January 27 on FX. No real need to catch season 1 before (though you totally should, since it’s also on Netflix streaming), so you can jump right in!

9. Doctor Who

The Doctor with Amy Pond and River Song

How best to describe Doctor Who? Okay, so there’s this alien Time Lord, known as the Doctor, who looks human (or we look Time Lord) that travels through time and space in a blue police box with a companion (or a few). The series has been around since the 1960s, but went off the air for about 20 years and came back in 2005. The series, since 2005, has been run by Russell T. Davies. Until this year. This year, Davies stepped down, and former staff writer Steven Moffat picked up head writing duties, as well as a new Doctor in Matt Smith (The series could shift actors to play the Doctor because Time Lords, when they are near death, can regenerate into a new form, that not only looks like a totally different person, but has a different personality, which allows different interpretations to be placed on the character. Whew!). This year I jumped on board with the 5th season (or 5th series in England) since the reboot (though it does use the same continuity from the show as it ran from the 1960s through the 1980s, but I haven’t watched any of the old stuff, and I enjoy it just fine, thankyouverymuch). Okay, so enough background. This show is awesome. It has so much to offer, and though it is quirky (think a sort of (not really) Sci-Fi Wes Anderson), it has a lot of heart. Season 5 brought along new companion Amy Pond (Karen Gillan), and a story arc that featured cracks in space and time that appeared to be following the Doctor and Amy on their adventures. Long time villains like the Daleks (giant salt shakers bred to feel only hate, that can be a bit annoying in their one-dimensionality) made appearances, as well as newer enemies like the Weeping Angels (a truly horrifying Moffat creation that look like angels, and move super fast, unless you look at them, when they turn to stone). The Weeping Angels 2 parter served as Aliens to “Blink!”‘s Alien, and was a definite highlight of the season. “Vincent and the Doctor” was one of the most moving episodes of television to air this year, as the Doctor and Amy met Vincent van Gogh, and helped him in a truly hard time in his life (his paintings were historically reviled, and he suffered deep depression, though now, his work is beloved, of course). The season ending 2 parter, that wrapped up the cracks in time story (and set up next season) was my favorite since the revival (which I blew through after loving the first few episodes of season 5). However, since it is fresh on my mind, this year’s Christmas special (a yearly tradition), which followed the mold of Charles Dickens’ “A Christmas Carol” was a truly fantastic episode of television that has easily made it’s way onto my list of programs to watch every Christmas because it not only exemplifies what makes this show truly awesome, but it also captures the combination of sadness and joy that make Christmas a special time of the year. Plus they gave a great new spin on the “Christmas Carol” mold by incorporating time travel in a way that directly affects the characters in the story (also flying sharks). The show is more fun than anything you are likely to find on TV, and the new season has miles and miles of heart thanks to the lead writing of Steven Moffat (who goes often to the well of people who experience time at a very different rate than the Doctor, but are nonetheless changed (often for the better) drastically by his presence at important times in their lives, best shown through Amy Pond’s introductory episode (also Matt Smith’s), the season premiere, “The Eleventh Hour” and “A Christmas Carol”). You can find all the episodes of the Davies run on Netflix streaming, and season 5 is on DVD. You can check out this year’s Christmas special for download on Amazon and iTunes, and the new season is set to start in the spring. Sure it’s goofy Sci-Fi, but if you love dynamic characters and great story telling, check this show out. Especially season 5.

8. Mad Men

Don Draper is haunted by the past

Coming off the incredible 3rd season, it is understandable that Mad Men wouldn’t have been at the same level. That said, it was a truly fantastic year. I’ve read some theories from critics that Matthew Weiner used this season to give more outstanding performances to his actors in a year that Breaking Bad can’t sweep the major acting categories at the Emmy’s (since it won’t return until after the Emmy deadline). I can see that. While we didn’t get anything as shocking as a foot getting run over by a lawn mower (my jaw dropped for the longest time) we did get the fantastic deepening of the relationship between Don Draper (Jon Hamm) and Peggy Olson (Elisabeth Moss) in “The Suitcase”. Lane Pryce (Jared Harris) was given ample room to grow this year as well, as his time in America, away from his family, allowed him an episode or 2 to bond with Don (and the audience). There was even the added bonus of less Betty Draper (January Jones), who is easy on the eyes, but shrewish on the ears. I don’t wan’t to get into any major plot logistics with this one (even for earlier seasons) because going through this series blind makes it that much more interesting. People tend to put the emphasis on the boozing and smoking and womanizing, but they don’t really watch the show. As anyone who watches this show can attest, it is more the story of one man who is trying to get ahold of his life and keep all of his secrets from being laid out for all the world to see, set against a backdrop of radically changing times. The acting is superb, as is the writing. The only thing I can fault this season with is the fact that half way through the season finale I started to wonder if I was still watching the same show because something so unusual (and unpredictable) happened. Seasons 1-3 are on DVD and Blur-Ray now, and season 4 should come along sometime this spring or summer, with a season 5 start date around August or September. Possibly July. But watch this show. You can flaunt it and say you’re better than people who don’t.

7. Party Down

Party Down catering does a script reading at Steve Guttenberg's home

Struggling actors fill the time between their auditions working as party caterers for parties, benefits, and weddings. This is a pretty simple description of the late, lamented Starz (What the hell? Right?) series Party Down. It’s center can be found in Henry (Adam Scott, who can now be found on Parks and Recreation), a failed actor who returned to work at Party Down catering in season 1, and is team leader (An accomplishment he’s totally excited about. I mean so excited.) as season 2 begins. Casey (Lizzy Caplan) returns to work, and the characters we grew to love in season 1 are back (minus Jane Lynch’s Constance thanks to Glee, which has been pretty mediocre this season, but that’s all I’ll say about that here) with the new addition of Lydia (Megan Mulally). This is a show that is really about moving on when your dreams don’t pan out, and what it looks like when your dreams aren’t panning out. Whether it is Kyle (Ryan Hansen) dealing with the fact that the action movie he shot is being released straight to DVD in Asia, as opposed to the major release he was expecting, or Ron (Ken Marino) losing everything when his Soup R’Crackers franchise tanks (Who would think that people wouldn’t want to eat at a restaurant that looks like a soup kitchen in a recession?) and he has to return to Party Down outside of his original team leader position. There is just so much to love about this show. It really is sad that it won’t be coming back for another season, but that’s just how it goes. Though it wasn’t intended to function as a series finale, season 2 ended on something of a hopeful note, as one character sits in a room, waiting to audition for a part in an indie flick. The cynical outlook the show presents would have us believe that he is setting himself up for failure, but the very fact that he can live with that rejection warms the heart in an odd kind of way. Season 1 and 2 are both on DVD and streaming on Netflix, and are very worth your time. It’s like an entire season of The Office, but better.

6. LOST

Jack and Hurley talk

I won’t go on for too long about this one. Does the way a show ends invalidate everything that came before it? I would say no. But, then, I liked how LOST wrapped up it’s 6 season run on ABC in May. I liked the season from start to finish (well except for, maybe, “What Kate Does”), and thought the producers did a great job wrapping everything up. I didn’t need answers to everything. I just wanted the characters to show some growth while remaining consistent with what we’ve seen them do. I’d say that happened. I can get past religious overtones and crazy mythology and glowing light caves. I usually like the way series end. LOST was no exception. I had invested a large amount of my time into being with the characters and getting to know them. For some I loved them (Locke, Hurley). Others I hated (Kate). Whether or not the creators of this show had it mapped out as well as they’d like us to believe, I think that they did an admirable job of bringing their story to a close in a satisfying manner. The series is all on DVD and streaming on Netflix. Go watch it. If you have any interest in TV, then you should absolutely watch it because of the major impact it has had on the media in the last decade. It didn’t have to deal with being a post-LOST show, and was able to develop slowly into what people loved, instead of misreading what people loved and making a fustercluck of a Sci-Fi mystery with no reason to care for the characters.

5. Fringe

The Fringe team on site

From one JJ Abrams created Sci-Fi series, into another. This year, with it’s incredible parallel universe story, Fringe has gone from being a (very good) X-Files type show, into being one of the best Sci-Fi series on TV. Ever. This time last year I was finishing up getting through the first season and a half of this excellent show, and I am so glad I did. The second half of season 2 found some deep emotional resonance as it answered a long simmering question about a central character, while also deepening the mythology for the series in a way that didn’t come across as pandering or too cutesy (a problem many had with the final year of LOST). Obviously I won’t spoil it for you because with these top 5 shows I’m presenting, they are all series that I think everyone should be watching. It is as fascinating and thrilling ride, whether the story deals with a “monster of the week” or the series mythology. And though the Sci-Fi stuff is cool to watch, the show boasts one of the best casts on TV. Anna Torv’s Olivia Dunham was often seen as a weak link at the beginning of the series, and I think that mainly has to do with her being presented as a second coming of Sydney Bristow from Alias. But this year, especially, she has really come into her own. Also great is the incredible father-son relationship between Walter (John Noble) Peter Bishop (Joshua Jackson). Walter is a special kind of quirky, his mind having been permanently affected by the hallucinogenic drug use from his early days of sciencing, but he truly cares for his son, and Peter has slowly but surely come around to no longer resenting his father. The one disadvantage I could see with picking this one up is that it has the standard 22 episode seasons, which would take some time to get caught up on, but if you react to it anywhere close to the way I did, you will just blow right through the first 2 seasons, and get caught right up before the series returns on January 21 (tragically, in the Friday night death slot) for the back half of the third. And if it is even half as thrilling as the first half has been, then it will be better than any hour long drama on Network TV. As the second season’s tag line touted, there’s “New Cases. Endless Impossibilities.”

4. Parks and Recreation

Ron effing Swanson

When it debuted in spring of 2009, I only watched the Pilot for Parks and Recreation. I saw it (as most people did) as The Office, but in local government. And though that may be true, to some extent, it is even better. The second season, which aired from Fall 2009 through Spring 2010 raised the bar considerably. Leslie Knope (Amy Poehler) went from a female Michael Scott, to a character all her own. The world of Pawnee, Indiana was also fleshed out more into a crazy small town, yet not so crazy that we couldn’t see why people would live there. The characters outside of Knope also grew into fun people to be around. I mean, I would hate a career in politics, but I could definitely see the appeal of working with someone like Ron Swanson (Nick Offerman), the manliest man ever. He runs the parks department, but believes that government should be privatized. He is the very definition of an apathetic boss. But he needs Leslie with her “can do” attitude to do the actual work because he would just prefer to sit in his office all day, doing nothing. Then there’s Tom Haverford (Aziz Ansari), and Indian (by way of South Carolina) who changed his name from Darwish Sabir Ismael Gani because a guy with such a foreign sounding name could never get far in politics (he made the change before Barack Obama was elected President). Tom is the biggest douche you will ever meet, but Aziz gives him a childlike vulnerability that makes him more Barney Stinson than Jon Gosselin. And what show is complete without a will they or won’t they romance? In season 1 this was given to Leslie and Mark Brendanawicz (Paul Schneider) and it was kind of awkward and forced. This was largely dropped in season 2, and the budding romance between April Ludgate (Aubrey Plaza) and Andy Dwyer (Chris Pratt) which developed naturally, and in my mind, rivals the Jim and Pam romance on The Office. The show made some very welcome additions late in season 2 with Rob Lowe and Adam Scott as a pair of state auditors who come around to deal with the budget issues of Pawnee. There is a certain gold standard I hold comedies to. That standard is season 2 of Arrested Development. There are very few seasons of comedy that have lived up to this excellent example (season 3 of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, season 2 and 3 of The Office come pretty close). Parks and Recreation‘s second season is on par with that comedy gold mine. It may not have the 10 jokes a second sensibility of 30 Rock or Arrested Development, but it depicts a place that I would love to spend time and a group of people I would love to spend it with. Except Jerry. That guy sucks! You can catch both seasons (though you can just skip season 1 and start with the incredible season 2 without breaking a sweat, like I did) on DVD and streaming on Netflix, and season 3 starts up on January 20 on NBC.

3. Community

Abed explains something questionable to Shirley, Britta, Annie, and Jeff

While Parks and Recreation depicts a group of people I would love to work with, Community has created a group of people I would love to live every second of my life with. There has been much attention given to the big parody episodes the series has done this year (action movies, claymation Christmas special, zombie movies) the show has done a tremendous job developing its cast of characters. What started off as a story of a Jeff Winger (Joel McHale), a guy who started a study group so he could bang hottie Britta Perry (Gillian Jacobs), has turned into one of the most poignant studies on the necessity of a, well, community to help us survive. Like the next show on this list, Community takes a looks at people whose lives haven’t panned out the way they expected. They have failed at something, but in their failures, they have found a group of people incredibly different from themselves, and despite their differences they have developed into a tight family. People are saying that the traditional family is dying. I would agree with that. The 1950s image of a family with a mom, a dad, 2.5 kids, and a dog is fading away, as small groups of people join together to form something deeper. They choose to know each other. And even though they have chosen to be close and vulnerable with people at different stages of life, they still tend to fall into the mindset that, “I don’t want to belong to a club that would have me as a member.” The characters often undermine themselves, and do stupid things. This season we learned Abed (Danny Pudi) has been charting the girls’ menstrual cycles, though he didn’t realize that’s what he was doing for a little while. The show has so much heart, and it gets sentimental, but that sentimentality doesn’t feel cheap. These characters have been allowed to grow, and we’ve been allowed to watch, so when Troy (Donald Glover) decides not to drink alcohol when he turns 21 because he sees how sad it has made everyone in his family, we can see just how much he has grown up from being the stupid former jock from the beginning of season 1. These people deeply care for one another, and we grow to care for them. The show can be silly, and the world they have created can appear to descend into organized chaos from time to time, but because it has grounded this all in the shared relationship of one group of people, we can relate to it all through their need to be loved by one another, even if it is in the middle of a zombie apocalypse, or an malfunctioning KFC rocket simulator. Every week I have a few things I look forward to (like new comics on Wednesdays). Thursday nights at Greendale Community College is without a doubt one of those things I eagerly anticipate. Rarely has a comedy moved me as deeply as this one. You can pick up season 1 on DVD now, and season 2 is airing on NBC currently. Jump into this one. It may take you a minute to get acquainted with all the characters, but you will be so glad you did.

2. The Venture Bros.

Hank Venture seduces a lady like its the 1920s

Coming from a programming block that specializes in stoner humor and Family Guy re-runs, you probably wouldn’t expect much from The Venture Bros. at first glance. You would be so wrong. Taking its visual queues from adventure shows of the 1970s (Johnny Quest specifically) and much of its humor from pop culture references, this is the kind of show that could easily slip into mediocrity, and get by for years on that. Instead, the show (and its creators) care very much for every single character the appear on screen. And it absolutely shows. Even better is that the creators know so much back story from joking around and riffing about characters behind the scenes that they could create a spin-off of this series using characters who have popped up in the background, yet have never had a line of dialogue. That is how much care they put into every part of this show, and it is no wonder that they are absolutely exhausted when a season ends. The core of the show is made up of the Venture family. There’s Hank (Christopher McCulloch) and Dean (Michael Sinterniklass), the titular brothers. Then Dr. Thaddeus “Rusty” Venture (James Urbaniak), a super scientist who can never get out of the shadow of (or measure up to) his father. And finally, their bodyguard, Brock Sampson (Patrick Warburton), a man who could give Jack Bauer a run for his money in being a bad ass (and come out victorious). Then there’s a wealth of major characters. The Mighty Monarch (Christopher McCulloch) is the Venture family’s nemesis, along with his wife, Dr. Mrs. The Monarch (Doc Hammer),formerly Dr. Girlfriend, who looks like Jaqueline Onassis, but has a voice that sounds like she more eats cigarettes, rather than smoke them, and Henchman 21 (Doc Hammer) whose real name is Gary, and went this season from fat ass to bad ass in the wake of his best friend’s unexpected death. I could seriously go on and on and on about the characters on this show. They are often parodies of superheroes or movie characters (both very popular and very obscure), but I’ll spare you that. It is a bit of a boy’s club, but that is because of the mold it is playing off of. This show, even on it’s weakest episodes, is just more fun than anything else on TV. It is absolutely hilarious (take an extended sequence from this season’s finale where dozens of characters debated what the grotesque sex act, named for Rusty Venture, actually consists of). But at it’s core, this is a show about failure. That’s the line that people are pretty much required to repeat when describing this show to others. And it is oh so true. Like Party Down this show deals with that failure in a way beyond wallowing in self pity. It’s more about what we do in the face of our life’s failures, and how we cope with it. In the context of this series, people dress up in costumes and join bureaucratic guilds as “costumed aggressors”. Or they pursue a career in super science so that they can live up to the legendary name of their father. Or they try to find their own way in the world, despite the plans laid out by their parents. It really boils down to trying to break away from who our parents think we should be, and becoming our own person. When the show is firing on all cylinders, like it was in the magnificent “Everybody Comes to Hanks” (pictured), it moves the characters to new places, and while it seems like the reset button is hit at the end, there is still some form of growth that lingers, and keeps us caring about what happens to these cartoon characters. I wouldn’t say there was a bad episode in this half season, and the finale “Operation PROM”, which featured “The best damn home school prom $200 can buy!” and some of the best character moments I’ve seen on TV all year. And this year, I watched The Wire and Deadwood (just to remind you that I have sophisticated viewing tastes like that). The fourth season was split into 2 halves, with the first part airing in fall 2009, and the second part in fall 2010. It was worth the wait. Season 1-4.0 are on DVD now. Season 4.5 is coming out sometime in the spring, and, unfortunately, the show hasn’t been picked up for a 5th season yet. You can help a 5th season become a reality by buying the DVDs. I’m just sayin.

1. Breaking Bad

Walter White

Following the lead of nearly every single critic this year (thought I’ve been calling this since June, just sayin), Breaking Bad is my number 1 show of the year. Like Mad Men, Breaking Bad was coming off of an incredible season (its 2nd). And like Mad Men, it wouldn’t have been faulted if the new season didn’t live up to the previous year (though there was still that hope that it would). Let me just say that expectations were obliterated. While season 2 was very intricately plotted out from the start, the writers took a different approach with the 3rd season. They made it up as they went along. And they were totally up front about it. That alone could have been cause for alarm, but Breaking Bad had established itself as a quality show (I mean, Bryan Cranston won the Best Actor Emmy 2 years in a row), so there wasn’t really any need to worry. It created a sense of claustrophobia when story lines that, on another show, would normally develop out over the course of an entire season were dispatched of in 3 or 4 episodes. What appeared to be the central villain of the season shifted by the midway point, and someone even more terrifying took over that role. Once again, I won’t get into plot stuff for this season beyond what I’ve just said because I believe that everyone should be watching this show. Basically the series is about a high school chemistry teacher named Walter White (Bryan Cranston) who, around his 50th birthday, finds out that he has lung cancer (after never having smoked a day in his life). This is compounded with the fact that his insurance will not cover treatments for it, he and his wife, Skylar (Anna Gunn) have an unexpected child on the way, as well as a 16 year-old son Walter, Jr. (RJ Mitte), and they aren’t too well off financially. So, after accompanying his DEA agent brother-in-law Hank (Dean Norris) on a meth lab bust and seeing how much money he can pull in from it, he hooks up with former student Jesse Pinkman (an increasingly incredible Aaron Paul), who was the partner in the busted meth lab, to start cooking. They have the expected odd couple relationship, and while Jesse in the beginning comes off as just a stereotypical “wigger”, they develop something of a father-son bond. Also, with Walt’s chemistry expertise, they make the best crystal meth, like ever. And this is only in season 1 episode 1. Season 3 opens with the incredibly creepy image of a crowd of Mexicans crawling through the desert to some ritualistic shrine, and ends with a gun pointed at the camera and a trigger pulling. And everything in between is riveting. This year I gave up on Dexter. I don’t hate it (well I do hate the supporting cast). The thing is, after jumping into this series, Dexter doesn’t have the same gravity. There are really no consequences anymore for what happens on that show because it is so successful, and Showtime keeps renewing it. Breaking Bad on the other hand, deals with the same types of societal evils, but it never backs away from the consequences. As the third season came to a close, this show was firing beyond all cylinders, in a way I never thought possible of TV. The penultimate episode ends with the most haunting delivery of a single word line. The villains who emerge from the background are more haunting than the hordes of zombies on AMC’s new hit series The Walking Dead (though I did really enjoy it’s 6 episode season this year). There’s even some great comic relief in Saul Goodman (Bob Odenkirk), something of a bit character who emerged in season 2 and took a much bigger role this year. I’ll go ahead and stop gushing about this show. As I tell everyone I know who has some interest in TV, this is a show that you should be watching. It is dark and funny and heartbreaking and at times, even, uplifting. Season 1 and 2 are on DVD now (and only 20 episodes between them), with the third set to come out sometime this year. Season 4 starts in July, so you have plenty of time to go through and watch it. Here’s a good rundown of what to expect: season 1 introduces Walt. Season 2 expands the world of the show, and deepens the supporting cast in a way (sorry to dog on it again) Dexter has never been able to figure out, while still giving Walter even more depth as a character (oh the places he goes). And season 3 shows us just how far he is willing to go to continue on this path in life. Picking up this show is one of the best decisions I have ever made. So there you have it.

I’ll put up another list sometime within the next week with some miscellaneous things from this year as well, so keep your eyes peeled for that.

Happy New Year!

Here endeth the lesson.

So, I know this has been used as something of a bullhorn for what ticks me off, but I figured, with the year ending, why not go for something more positive?

No? Well, I don’t care.

My blog. My rules.

So, this week I’ll be using this to count down my top films and TV choices of the year. If you haven’t read the title of this post (seriously?) today I’ll be looking at the 10 films that really caught my attention this year, with a couple honorable mentions thrown in for good measure.

This all boils down to being 10 movies that I just loved. I’m not saying they were the best made movies of the year (though some of them certainly are), but they are the ones I enjoyed the most. Plus I didn’t see every movie released this year.

I’m not made of money here people.

Now, if you want to donate money to me this year, so that I can make a more well-rounded list next year, who am I to turn you down?

But, seriously, don’t.

But enough with the banter.

Here’s my 10 favorite movies of 2010 (and some honorable mentions):

10. Tangled

I know what you’re thinking. I get it. But get used to movies for kids. There’s 2 more on the list. It’s been a pretty great year for animation. If you had asked me when the previews first started showing for Tangled if I even wanted to see it, I would have just laughed and said no. But then it came out, and I started hearing people talk about it. And they said it was good. Both reviewers and friends of mine. So I decided to give it a look. As much as I felt like a creep sitting in the theater for this one (a bearded man, sitting alone, crying) it was worth the potential stares (I don’t think there were any). The story does an admirable job of updating the Rapunzel story and making it an interesting story on the relationships between parents and children. The voice acting is pretty great, and there’s some great musical numbers in this one (which the previews didn’t even mention). It’s still in theaters, and if you grew up on (and loved) the “Disney Princess” movies (a la Beauty and the Beast, The Little Mermaid, Cinderella) then you should go check this out. It’s worth your time and money. It was one I didn’t see in 3D that I wouldn’t have minded paying the extra money for.

9. True Grit

If the Coen Brothers make a movie, then you can bet it will make my top 10 for the year. Simple as that. I can’t compare this one to the original adaptation of the book, starring John Wayne (in his only Oscar winning role (I’m obligated to mention this when mentioning the original True Grit)) but I can say that this is a fantastic movie on it’s own. The Coen Brothers have a real knack for depicting very ordinary, folksy people, and what better place to find such people than in a western? (The answer is “none”.) Jeff Bridges does a truly fantastic job as Rooster Cogburn, a US Marchall with a penchant for shooting people. Hailee Steinfeld is also a sight to behold as Mattie Ross, the young girl who employs Cogburn to track down the man who killed her father (played by Josh Brolin). Rounding out their posse of 3 (from time to time) is Matt Damon (queue the Team America quote) as the most annoying Texan you’ll ever meet (the only thing bigger in Texas is their heads) “La Beef” (but spelled like Shia’s last name). The film is funny and heartwarming as the 3 characters win each others’ respect through the course of events and take us on a fun ride with some excellent dialogue (because this is a Coen Brothers film, after all).

8. 127 Hours

Going into this one, I was ready for some great acting by James Franco, but being largely unable to watch because of the grizzly nature the story ends in (we all know how it ends). And, honestly, it really is a big countdown to that one act that made Aron Ralston something of a legend. But there is so much more. The movie is so full of life, even though it’s primary (see: only) character is incapacitated (see: pinned by a rock) within 30 minutes. It is claustrophobic at times, but director Danny Boyle infuses the movie with so much life that it is bearable. We go through all the stages of this with Ralston, and even though it doesn’t feel like we are stuck with him for 127 hours, as the title would suggest, it gets the point across. And when he finally starts to break his arm and do what we are expecting all the way through the movie, Boyle doesn’t pull any punches. It’s tough to watch, but very possibly (even for a really squeamish guy like me). The intensity of cutting off the arm is exhausting, and it makes Ralston’s first encounter with another human being such a release of tension that you can’t help but breathe a huge sigh of relief and weep (I did). The movie is intense, sad, funny, and so full of life, that I don’t know how people don’t want to see it. (You know, except for the whole “arm amputation” thing.) True, some might find the “community is necessary” message a bit heavy handed, but I’m a sucker for such stories (see Deadwood, LOST, or Community for more meditation on the necessity of being together). I’m at a point in my life where the necessity of community is paramount (and I’ll have more words on this later in the week when I discuss TV shows). All that said, check this movie out (if you can stomach it, of course) you won’t regret it, and it’ll make you exuberant to be alive.

7. Kick-Ass

Mark Millar and John Romita, Jr. set out to write a comic book about what it would be like to be a superhero in the real world. I guess the mission was accomplished in Kick-Ass, the series released by Marvel’s creator owned Icon imprint. And while the comic series was good, the movie improved on the story in many ways (and didn’t in others). The movie (and comic) is about a teenage kid (Aaron Johnson) who decides, out of the perfect mixture of naivete and boredom, that he wants to be a superhero. Or, at least, put on a costume and beat up bad guys. Meanwhile, a father/daughter combo (Nicolas Cage and Chloe Moretz) are dishing out their own brand of (hyper-violent, deadly) costumed heroics. The movie is put together like the coolest music video you’ve ever seen. The hyper-violence isn’t for everyone (if you don’t want to see a 12 year-old girl beat the hell out of a room full of guys, this may not be you’re kind of movie) but it was certainly for me. The movie is just a non-stop ride of ass kickings (whodathunk it?) and teenage wish fulfillment. Really, the title is the perfect review for this movie. It’s out on DVD/Blu-Ray, and it’s in Redbox, so it’s pretty easy to track down. Oh, and one more thing: the soundtrack for this one is pretty perfect. The music supervisor should be commended (and I would, but I doubt my commendation would mean much) because this soundtrack is Tarantino-worthy.

6. How to Train Your Dragon

Well, here’s kids movie number 2. This was actually the first movie to really surprise me this year. I’ve always been one to roll my eyes at the newest Dreamworks imitation of the better movies by Pixar. I liked the first 2 Shrek movies, though I found the 3rd to be lazy, and skipped the 4th altogether. I had heard a few good things about this one, and had a bad day at work, and decided to check it out. boy was I glad I did that. This was another movie that I would have gladly paid the extra money to see it in 3D (I didn’t). It wasn’t gimmicky, and had a really heartfelt story about a son trying to get his father’s attention at it’s core (and we all have daddy issues, so it’s nice when a story handles this stuff well). Jay Baruchel does a wonderful job as the son of a Viking chief, trying to find a way to connect with his father through fighting dragons. When he befriends a seemingly deadly breed, and nurses it (secretly) back to health, he learns some tricks on taming the (seemingly) vicious beasts. It hits the beats you’d expect it to (and features to expected kid movie pop culture references and celebrity voice work), but does it (all) surprisingly well. And there’s even some surprises thrown in as young Hiccup learns to be confident in himself and his nonviolent nature, despite his violent surroundings (see: raised by Vikings). Oh, and it looks beautiful, with all the different breeds of dragons and the ocean side locales, the island of Berk is a place that would really be wonderful to visit (even if it’s inhabitants are vicious Vikings).

5. Black Swan

Natalie Portman is almost constantly in frame, and deserves every award she is bestowed for her riveting performance in this parable about a ballerina who is asked by her director to loosen up and give in to the darker side of herself to really know how to portray the Black Swan in Swan Lake. True, her innocence, and technical proficiency is perfectly suited to the pure White Swan, but she must play both parts and learn to let go. Mila Kunis develops a rivalry throughout the film that drives Portman’s character to some extremes she has never been to before. The film is hard to pin down and explain without giving anything away, but let me put it this way: like most of Daren Aronofsky’s filmography, it is a psychological thriller, but unlike the others, I actually want to see it again. It is fascinating and horrifying and confusing as hell, but this is a dark ride through one woman’s psyche that is simultaneously beautiful and horrifying to behold. Sorry I’m talking in circles here. Just see it, and you’ll see what I mean.

4. Toy Story 3

Here’s a good indicator for a movie making my year end top 10 list (outside of being written and directed by Quentin Tarantino. or Wes Anderson. Or the Coen Brothers. Or Christopher Nolan.): Was I at any point completely unsure of a good or bad conclusion? (Example: In The Dark Knight, Chris Nolan did such a great job of setting up the insanity of the Joker, that when the game with the 2 boats came up, I could have seen it ending with 1 or both boats being destroyed, and was completely concerned for how things would turn out). Toy Story 3 had one of these moments. And it made me weep. If you’ve seen it, then you know what part I’m talking about, if you haven’t, then you are missing out on one of the best movies of the year. This movie is surprisingly dark in it’s meditations on growing up, and moving on from the childish things of our past. But it is a fun, funny meditation on these sad things, and when that final scene rolls around, if you were the kind of kid I was, then it will reduce you to tears. This was my favorite of the Toy Story Trilogy (a feat I didn’t see coming). It is the rare 3rd part of a series that is better than its predecessors, and it shouldn’t be surprising that it came from the more than capable hands of Pixar. Every year they put out a movie, and every year, the faintest fear that it won’t be a masterpiece sneaks up. And every year, that fear is squashed. They tell beautiful, poignant stories, that a guy like me won’t be ashamed to see by myself, in a theater full of kids (and weep openly). It’s no Wall-E or Up, in my opinion, but it comes close, and that really is more of a feat than it may sound like.

3. The Social Network

What an odd pairing of artists. David Fincher (maker of such dark fare as Fight Club, Se7en, The Game, and Zodiac) and Aaron Sorkin (creator of the most idealistic, desirable White House administration ever in The West Wing). Who would figure that the mile a second dialogue of Sorkin would marry so well with the dark tone and contemplative storytelling of Fincher? I had my doubts, but this portrait (dramatized as it may be) of the early days of Facebook is fascinating to behold. Jesse Eisenberg’s performance as Mark Zuckerberg should silence those who would say that he is the poor man’s Michael Cera (though Zombieland and Adventureland did so for me last year. Just sayin…). The subject matter is fascinating enough to someone like me, who enjoys seeing how a culturally revolutionary idea takes hold and was conceived of in its early days, and for that alone, this movie doesn’t disappoint. But the acting (with winning supporting performances by Andrew Garfield, Armie Hammer, and Justin Timberlake) is phenomenal. Also, here’s another movie that has a magnificent soundtrack. Trent Reznor of Nine Inch Nails teams with Atticus Ross to deliver a haunting score that really drives the mood home in such a dialogue heavy story. Though you already know when to take notice and pay attention, the score really helps to drive that necessity home. This is definitely deserving of the Best Picture nomination it will surely get for the Oscars this year (and potential win).

2. Scott Pilgrim vs. The World

What if you were the star of your own video game? That could basically sum up Scott Pilgrim vs. The World. But it is oh, so much more than that. Michael Cera stars at the titular character, and this story is all told from his point of view. He’s the hero of his own story, and not only does he have to beat his new girlfriend’s 7 Evil Exes, but he has to deal with his own issues. He’s kind of a dick, but since this is all told from his perspective, he plays it like the hero. It’s a pretty complex outlook that could be boiled down to one long music video, or the best video game never made. It is kinetic and hyperactive and over the top, but it really resonates. If you can get past Michael Cera’s often whiny character then there is something really special to behold here. This is ultimately a story about getting your shit together and growing the hell up. It doesn’t do it quite as effectively as the book series it is based on, but it comes pretty close. Edgar Wright really gets what this story is all about and I can’t think of a director more suited to handle such a pop culture reference heavy story. The movie is a blast to experience, and makes a great compliment to the books. It doesn’t really do anything better than the books, but if you haven’t read them, then the movie will provide a great argument to do so. I’ve watched this one 5 times now (3 times in theater, 2 at home) and I still enjoy it immensely. If that isn’t a complete vote of confidence, then I don’t know what is.

1. Inception

If you know me or have talked to me at all this year, then this one will come as no surprise. I watched this 5 times in the theater, and 2 at home since I’ve gotten it. It is one of the most talked about movies of the year (if not the most) and it is really more straightforward than people give it credit for. Sure the levels of the dreams can be a bit confusing the first time (who’s dream are we in now?), but more than any this year (save maybe Black Swan) this movie demands repeat viewings. After the 3rd of 4th go around it may not get better every time, but it never gets worse.  But even though it has the cool sci-fi trappings in the dream levels, there is a deeply personal story at its center. A man who is trying to get past the mistakes of his past. A son who is struggling with his (whadayaknow?) daddy issues. They’ve been done before, but never like this. Christopher Nolan’s script took 10 years to put together, and it is a prime example of why you shouldn’t try to rush greatness. This is a movie that I will continue to come back to because it is just such an awesome ride. The rotating hallway fight. The brilliantly executed kick-sequence. The score that brilliantly incorporates the song used to signal a coming kick. Technical feats that are no less deserving of recognition than the brilliant performances by an all star cast. I feel like I keep thinking of things to say, but don’t know how to clarify or keep it coherent, and I’m sorry if I’m just gushing over this movie, but it is brilliant. If you haven’t seen it yet, what are you waiting for?!?

Honorable Mentions: The Town, Shutter Island, Exit Through the Gift Shop, Catfish, Due Date

Check back in later this week for what I loved on TV this year. There are sure to be some surprises in there.

Right off the bat, I know what you’re thinking: Does this guy ever stop complaining about work?

No I really don’t.

But that’s not the point here.

Along with donating bakery foods to charities and non-profit organizations, another community service we offer at my place of employment is free wifi. As I discussed last time, there are certain restrictions placed on our wifi, like it won’t let you look at funny stuff or pornography. There is also a thing that basically kicks you off after 30 minutes if you are on during “peak business hours” from 11am until 2pm.

It’s kind of annoying if you’re trying to use it to read Marvel Digital Comics because the wifi is so slow with that stuff anyway, that by the time you finish reading 1 comic it’s been 30 minutes. And that can be frustrating because you could be just getting into a story and then have to wait 2 and-a-half hours before you can read the next issue over a painstakingly long period for a simple 22 page picture book because heaven forbid you relocate to someplace that doesn’t put a time restriction on your Internet surfing.

Sorry, I got a bit away from myself there.

Anyway.

One of the side effects of offering free wifi is that we get all sorts of people coming in to use the Internet during lunchtime. People like:

Cute, Deceptively Approachable Girls

You can tell she's nerdy cause she's wearing glasses!

Moms on Facebook

Insert obligatory joke about her looking at your drunk pictures here

Plotting world domination from mom's basement.

“Businessmen”

I have a job but no office!

Now, these “businessmen” bring me to my point. We have about 5 or 6 guys who come in Monday through Friday and set up camp on one of the corners, and all use their computers. Some of them use our wifi, and some of them have built-in wifi generators on their computers. Why they need our store is beyond me.

So, now that we have this established there’s just one more bit of information.

We get crazy busy during lunch. It’s pretty stupid, but that happens when you’re attached to a mall and the only other eating joints are an Auntie Annie’s pretzel place, a cookie/gelato joint, a Cheesecake Factory, and a Carabbas that isn’t even open until dinner. There’s some other places you could eat nearby, but you’d have to, heaven forbid, walk across the parking lot.

Anyway.

In order to accommodate to the number of customers in the store, our manager will unplug the wifi when we get busy during lunch. I have my own issues with that, but he’s made his argument for this to me (not that he needed to, but I appreciate that all the same), and it makes sense from his point of view, so I really can’t do anything to change his mind about it.

Whatever.

So, a few weeks ago one of these “businessmen” comes up to me and tells me to let my manager know that he’s losing 4 customers during lunch that day because he unplugged the wifi. Now, I’m thinking, “Why don’t you just tell him yourself?”

That’s the same thought my manager had when I told him this.

We laughed about it, and that’s when he explained to me that he unplugs the wireless so these guys who sit around all during lunch will move and we can make room for more than 4 customers during a 3 hour period.

You remember.

Moms with 25 kids.

Here’s my problem with this guy (I don’t know his name, and I really don’t care what it is).

He keeps showing up. He keeps buying food and drinks. He’s not stealing crap like Jack. No, he just doesn’t seem to understand that in order to hurt a company with your not buying food, you have to go beyond 1 day.

Not only this, but he still sits around and complains with the other “businessmen” about the wifi situation, and then proceeds to go buy dinner for himself, and 3 other people.

Seriously.

He did this last night.

I really don’t get it.

When America declared independence from England, it wasn’t like, “You guys suck! We’re outta here!” and then 2 days later, “Hey buds, we could totes use some food! Preciate it!”

No, we fought a freaking war over it until we won. True we could have lost, but we didn’t.

I’d love to see this guy try to start a war with our chain over this. It would be hilarious. If he truly believes in this problem, signing a petition, as I have heard him discussing with his fellow “businessmen” will do little to nothing.

Besides maybe giving the management a good laugh.

You’re seriously not going to get my boss fired over this. Quentin Tarantino best described this through the mouth of Brad Pitt in Inglourious Basterds. After Aldo (Brad Pitt) shoots a defecting-Nazi-soldier-companion to the Jew Hunter (Christoph Waltz), the two have this exchange:

Written by Quentin Tarantino

If he really wants to hurt our company, he should just try to organize a boycott and stop coming to our restaurant. Then his not buying lunch might actually mean something more than the grown-up equivalent of a 3 year-old pitching a hissy fit because her mom won’t buy her a cookie.

I also have to say that his case isn’t helped by passing along his distaste to essentially a low-level employee whose job is cleaning up after customers.

Especially when you leave crap all over your table.

And stay past closing time when he (I) is (am) trying to get the dining room cleaned up to go home after an 11 hour day to get a little sleep before working again tomorrow.

But seriously.

Stop coming to our store if you want to make a point. You’re only making yourself look like an idiot by showing up 4 days a week, buying food and drinks, and then complaining about “the wifi problem” amongst the other “businessmen” as if it’s going to actually get something done.

[Insert witty send off here]